I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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