well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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