I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
