So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
