dude i'm inner monologue high
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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