I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
