I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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