I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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