He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
