When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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