hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
