And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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