Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
