i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
