So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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