I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
