i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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