the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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