I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
