Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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