he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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