Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
