So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
