She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
