Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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