tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
