I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
