Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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