I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
