I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
