SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
