Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
