Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize