Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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