Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
