just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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