The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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