Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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