I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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