I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Floor bacon is actually really good
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize