Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
