a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
