I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
