this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
