I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
