I am in a vortex of obligation.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my being single is dangerous.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
