Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yo dont text me then not text me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
