lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
