walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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