BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't turn off my feet"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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