In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
