seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize