I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
