yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He kissed a someone with a penis
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
