Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
