"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
