just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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