By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
