I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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