ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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