so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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