you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
