A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
