so explain again why im purple
no
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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