wrigley field is MILF paradise
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
