This is not my ceiling
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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